I heard the first locusts two days ago.  I saw lightening bugs a month ago.  The air is coolish.  I’m thinking of football and the bite of frost.  I don’t want to hurry things along, but hell yes I do.  Wake me in September.  That’s when I’ll clean my house.  Wipe off sticky rings of soda pop from my coffee tables, throw away the thousands of potato chip bags, sunflower seeds and bread crusts.  I’ll make time to match the socks and make the beds and wash every dish.  I’ll clean out the leftovers and paint the bathroom.  I might be able to face sweeping out the garage and organizing the un-used toy room.  It’s a possibility I might be able to gather all the old clothes up and take them to the thrift shop in tidy piles neatly marked Large, X Large and Big Assed Big.

Medicine Creek Days is over. I can’t say I’m sorry.  It was ALOT of work.  You will laugh when you hear what I think alot of work was.  I mean, making tractor tire tubes retain latex paint IS WORK people.  I painted tubes and painted tubes and painted tubes and taaa daaaaa…they looked like giant glazed donuts.  I was still working on them at 9am on Saturday morning and we were to be at the parade line up at 9:45.   Needless to say, the paint was wet, I was sweating and my disco outfit SUCK ED.  It was like this huge leopard skin outfit that my boobs hung out of and that accentuated my beer belly.  I decided not to wear it.  I tried on Katies swing choir sparkly dress and could wear it…if I left it unzipped halfway…SHIT.  I ended up throwing on a black Farah Faucet wig and my DONUT TESTER Shirley K’s Coffee Shop shirt and jeans.  yah…some disco queen I was.  At the end of the parade I was D U N .  But, I said, “Hey Mark let’s take these fucking donuts and go to the river and tube!”  Surprisingly Mark said, “OK”.  So, we did.  We jumped in at the river bridge and 2 or so hours later ended up at the diversion dam.  It was great.  We saw deer, blue herons, cranes, no snakes, and several ducks.  I got burned in places that shouldnt get burned and I liked it so much I asked Cindy to go the next day.  We did.  The only difference from Saturday was the water was a foot lower and naughty Cindy and I took a cooler of beer.  It wasss good. Except I burned myself silly.

more later…must go

Yesterday seems like a thousand years ago. I’m trying to remember what the hell I even did. What I DIDN’T do was go to work…ha ha ha. I took yesterday off. Only went in for about 1/2 hour. At home, I vacuumed, dusted, washed clothes, ate healthy food until around 2:30 and then went ape shit and hungry bear and ate anything I wanted and more…dahum double dahum. Early in the morning I took out the vegetable stock I’d saved from some roast and put it into the crock pot. I added some roast beef. I added some vegetables. I added some rice, some noodles…I thought about cheese. I sprinkled in seasonings. I guess you can say I made a big ass pot of gruel. It was good, but it was ugly.
Later on I rode my bike and almost choked to death on a bug that flew into my trachea. Snot was blowing out my nose, tears down my cheeks and to top it all off, my mammy panties decided to climb up my back and were showing above the waistband of my gargantuan shorts.
yah
AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL!!

None of these dangerous tornadoes hit Cambridge. The huge cells split and parted like the red sea and we were spared.

Twisters hit Nebraska

More tornadoes slam the Midwest

…THE FLOOD WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 1215 PM CDT SUNDAY FOR
FURNAS…WEBSTER…ROOKS…SMITH AND PHILLIPS COUNTIES…

RUNOFF FROM HEAVY RAINFALL OF 2 TO 7 INCHES THE PAST TWO DAYS
CONTINUES TO CAUSE STREAMS AND LOW LYING AREAS TO REMAIN SWOLLEN IN
PHILLIPS…SMITH…ROOKS…WEBSTER AND FURNAS COUNTIES. RUNOFF FROM
THE HEAVY RAINFALL WILL CONTINUE TO MAINTAIN THE HIGH WATER LEVELS.

THE REPUBLICAN RIVER AT CAMBRIDGE WAS AT 9.06 FEET AT 730 PM. THE
FLOOD STAGE IS 9.0 FEET. THE RIVER IS FORECAST TO CREST NEAR 9.5
FEET LATER TONIGHT AND WILL FALL BELOW FLOOD STAGE BY SUNDAY
AFTERNOON.

I hope to get some pictures tomorrow.  I’ve never seen anything like it before.  The river is out of her banks and the low lands are filling.  As we drove south into the country to look at the flooding I saw twin fawn whitetails, hopping actoss a plowed, muddy field…their tails flagging.  The”ponds” had swirling masses of either fish or bugs on the surface.  I would have liked to stop and sit and listen for awhile.  The crickets, bullfrogs and fading daylight were beautiful.  The fresh smell of wet grass made me think of a lovely summer day.  I tried not to think of swarms of mosquitoes, the stench of dead fish and the old plummy mud that will stain the landscape.  I tried not to think of the carcasses of sloe eyed deer speckling the roadsides, featuring tire tracks across their backs.

Republican River Flooding Out Of Its Banks

Another picture of the river flooding over the banks on May 26th 2008. Should have reached it’s crest by noon today.

Another picture taken by my phone. Not the best quality but I think you get the idea.

Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

…and although my ASS is bruised I actually busted my head. DAMN YOU ICE…DAMN YOU TO H E double TOOTHPICKS!

People, are you just sitting around on your dead ass bitching about the heat? Well, hear this…tomorrow night, go outside, lay down on a blanket, or come over to my house and we’ll lay down on our deck, and watch a Big Meteor Shower because it Peaks Sunday Night and then you will have something else to bitch about…mosquitos AND heat. But think of the awesome sight.

We have now trapped 5…count ‘em 5 possums in our catch ‘em alive trap.
S I C K
I mean…GROSS!!!
There have been baby ones with soft fuzzy fur and baby ones with frizzy punk rocker hair.
YUCCCCK!!
All of them have hissed and sputtered at me. No froth though. But still…GROSS!
In other news…Mark got that new weight loss drug…non prescription ORLO or somthing like that. I read up about it because…HEY…I’M FAT PEOPLE!! What my favorite part was….the info for office workers stating…Bring dark pants and extra underwear to work.
ssheeiit
literally.
Dahumm.
…how about I skip the shit my pants medications and just quit eating so much…ahahahahahahahhahaahahah…yah right.
How about I just shit my pants quietly and keep lysol wipes in my purse.