My boy is number 21…catcher for Maroon uniformed McCook.  He is the one coming home to score but they call him the wrong name.  We rallied and got ahead by 5 runs then Holdridge got a 6 run inning.  We ended up losing 10-7.  CRAP

Tough Guys

Andrews team…in district play now.  click on the pic to listen to the game.

I do not know how one raises children without maiming either them or yourself.  Does that sound bad?  Hell yes it sounds bad.  I feel so frustrated with the almost 17 year old boy now.  He has a nice girlfriend.  But that isn’t really the problem.  He constantly sneaks out.  To do what?  I can guess.  The girl lives in another town soooooo…anyone knows.  I do know there is NOTHING GOOD GOING ON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.  He has a job but it’s part time.  The rest of the time he is doing as he pleases.  I CANNOT stand a lazy kid much less a lazy boy.  I’m ready to hire him out as a servant.  He really needs a hard physical job to make him tired at night.  Sore in the day.  Appreciative of the things he has. I’ve taken everything away this year at least a million times…except this one last thing.  And it’s almost ready to be yanked.  He’s supposed to be going on a science trip to the bahamas.  yahhh that’s right…bahamas…we’ve been paying for a year for this trip.  BUT I’M ABOUT 5 MINUTES FROM TAKING IT AWAY.

shit!!!!!

ass

I heard the first locusts two days ago.  I saw lightening bugs a month ago.  The air is coolish.  I’m thinking of football and the bite of frost.  I don’t want to hurry things along, but hell yes I do.  Wake me in September.  That’s when I’ll clean my house.  Wipe off sticky rings of soda pop from my coffee tables, throw away the thousands of potato chip bags, sunflower seeds and bread crusts.  I’ll make time to match the socks and make the beds and wash every dish.  I’ll clean out the leftovers and paint the bathroom.  I might be able to face sweeping out the garage and organizing the un-used toy room.  It’s a possibility I might be able to gather all the old clothes up and take them to the thrift shop in tidy piles neatly marked Large, X Large and Big Assed Big.

These are the photos that were in the local paper. I am going to buy them as they are so cute. Until then, check out the black and whites.

The donut contest was awesome.  We had about 30 entries before we started and in total…about 50.  We strung a clothes line  between two 10 foot ladders and dangled our donuts from there.  We had about 10-15 contestants lined up at a time and it was sweet.  They were like cows in a stanchion.  We had to disqualify several who attempted to use their hands.  We had one couple who were eating off each others shoulders.  I passed out prizes like I was at a penny fair.  Our time limit was 3 minutes and in total it took about 1/2 hour.  I had no one to take pictures.  Hopefully someone did and will send me some…sigh.

am tired now…must go to bed…yawn

a)  a tiny teeny baby bunny HEAD with eyes open and mouth in death pose on my doorstep

b) my big fat cat Pickles who is over fed and underworked resting quietly beside the porch with a big ole smile on her face (not to mention a new rabbit foot in her pocket)

c) soccer (I just don’t get it nor do I want to get it)

d) sweatshirts on June nights

e) freaking tornadoes and flooding!

f) sassy boys

g) fatness of assness

The boys are gone to football camp until Tuesday. I would be a nasty mean evil mother if I even thought I was enjoying the thought of two whole days of not worrying about what time they will be home, why they aren’t home, who they are with, are they working, where is the girlfriend, who is the girlfriend, are they doing something they shouldn’t, are the cops involved, is there a fight, is there another girl, is there a vehicle going around corners on two wheels that belongs to me, will there be a fight tonight, will there be a grounding tonight, am I a shitty parent, are my kids wasting their lives, their chances, will they be productive adults, do they like me, do they love me, can I do this, can I do this right, how do I do this, can I live through this, who am I, what am I doing, what am I doing right, what am I doing wrong, what am I doing, really, really, how are my kids?
god

I need medication. Between trying to raise a VERY independent 19 year old girl who has been stretching her wings and boundaries and my last nerve to these two boys, almost 17 & 14…I am losing my fucking mind.

I tell myself. I need these two days. I need to find myself. CAN I DO IT IN TWO DAYS PEOPLE?! I doubt it.
Every day is such a challenge. I don’t feel the fun anymore. Surely something is wrong when you don’t feel the fun anymore.

Right now, I’m sitting here with a cold Amber Bock, NPR on the radio with soothing musak on, a fan on me, and all is well. Sitting down and writing this has put me into a “remember” mode and caused me some stress but really, all is well.

Today, after the boys left. I mowed, Mark mowed at Mom’s and I washed and then I read 19 test messages from my youngest son of which 6 spelled out, “MOMMMMM!!!”, and the other 13 said, “FORGOT FTBALL CLEATS NEED DAD 2 BRING THEM TO CAMP”. Needless to say, it was 1 1/2 hour after the football bus had left and so, yes indeed, with gas the price it is, two boys on their way to a football camp we’d paid for, Mark made a mad dash (2 hours away) with the forgotten shoes. In order to torture my son, I texted him and said, GRANDMA ON HER WAY, IN MY BUG, WITH YUR SHOES”. He was, in a word, mortified. My Bug is bright orange and has our coffee shop logo on it. This logo includes not only a dancing coffee cup but a dancing prescription bottle which is my husbands logo. NO People…he is not a drug dealer…just a pharmacist. My Mom would have been sure to scold my son thoroughly for forgetting something as important as his FOOTBALL CLEATS.

good Lord

Only two days left before they come home…sigh

I went for a walk around 9:30 p.m. It was misting slightly and the lights of the Ethanol plant lit up the sky like a lava lamp. Everything was muted and “bloopy” in the moist clinging air. The music playing in my ipod were mostly Janis Joplin tunes and it was fitting for both my mood and the feel of the night. Again and again as I walk I think of how I could be a good parent to my teens. I often think of how crappy I’ve handled an “event” and how Mark does such a good job with parenting. I’m usually floundering in words and I get so angry and spitting mad that I can’t see straight. I so wish I could be a better parent. My skills suck. I’ve read books and I’ve read articles and I’ve tried to be patient, understanding, calm, collected. I’ve tried to go to church more. I’ve tried going to church less. I try to use example. And mostly, lately I try not to scream and bawl and pull my hair out. I try not to swear out loud things like…hey you DUMBASS what do you THINK YOU ARE DOING!!! and things like WHY WHY WHY are you DOING THIS TO ME! I try to be like Mark who lectures calmly and use examples and stories and actually make sense but people….I CAN’T DO IT!!!! I CANNOT DO IT WELL AT ALL!!! I’m a hot head and a screamer and I hate waiting for the perfect words and speech. I like action Jackson and God help me…I’m not a patient person at all. What usually happens is Mark and I and whoever is in the hot seat sit in the living room and Mark lectures and I sit there nodding and when I speak it sounds stupid and I feel like an asshole and then it’s over after about 2 hours of Mark lecturing and me being an asshole. I just wish my kids wouldn’t do anything they shouldn’t. hhahaahahahahahah IS THAT TOOOOOO MUCH TO ASK PEOPLE?!! Tell me it isn’t. Please please tell me it isn’t.

I just took Alec out for a driving lesson.  He is the only one of my kids I’ve tried to teach.  Perhaps that is why my other two have had trouble.  Mark is a very speedy driver, not to mention a “ride the bumper of the guy in front” kind of guy.  He’s had accidents and tickets and various “car events” which involved insurance agents and police and STOP courses etc.  I don’t mean to brag but I’ve not had a ticket before.  Once, I got a warning.  When I was 19.  Mostly, I drive the speed limit.  I use the cruise control.  I like to take my time getting somewhere.  I was once, as you all know, passed by the local handibus when I was taking Katie and a group of her friends to the orthodontist.  I much prefer someone else to drive while I nap.  God I love napping in a car.  No I didn’t say necking, I said, napping.  It’s yummy.  Anyway, Alec did okay.  He tends to drift toward the side of the road.  I kept waving my hand trying to get him to get away from the ditch.  I looked like I was swatting flies most of the time.  I’m worn out from it.  Good luck drivers ed teacher.  GOOD LUCK!